sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
