There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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