i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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