Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
