dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
