Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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