I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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