I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
please come you make the beer taste better
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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