It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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