What did we do last night that was yellow?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
