Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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