I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
