like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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