Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
