dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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