i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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