my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
