That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
