im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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