Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
