the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
