Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
