I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
