you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
