I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
