help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
