sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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