no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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