trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
