I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
