are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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