Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
