I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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