is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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