Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
