I hate all girls vehemently.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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