We should be called the Road Head Warriors
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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