Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He passed out mid-signature
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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