im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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