You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I touched a dick in church today
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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