Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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