you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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