if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he fucked my hip out of place.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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