so that wasnt chicken after all
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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