I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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