Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
