Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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