either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
