yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
