so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize