I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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