omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just found a bag of teeth...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
