Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
