are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
