Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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