Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
