The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize