There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
