i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize