ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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