hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
