I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
