I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
