Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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