the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
