She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
