Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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