Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
