I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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