): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
