Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Semen is not good for contacts.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
