Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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