I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
