why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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