WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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