I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight