Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.