The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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