he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
