I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.