Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood