just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals