this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?