sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?