I got chris browned last night
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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