it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
