So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
