Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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