the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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