I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
