I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
