My first STD was from a foam party
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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